His relationship feels loveless because he can hardly feel at all. This is because it is more likely for a spouse to be understanding of a depressive episode than a manic episode and this double standard can cause resentment and extra tension. External Struggles of Relationships and Bipolar Disorder. And then finally, after a long, long wait, I got in to see a psychiatrist. Their anger may have nothing to do with you. I believe that this time i had given a considerable amount of thought and came to the conclusion that divorce would be best for the kids. Then we got back together. After reading your story, I’m realizing that she’s still very much in a manic phase and not necessarily depressed like I’d thought she was. He left 18 months ago wanting nothing from our life together and clearly wanting to forget I ever existed. I not only want those with bipolar to know that they’re not alone in their experiences, but I also want their spouses and ex-spouses to know that they’re not alone in their experiences. I promise you that your loved one is still in there. Outside support and education can help. Do not confront your spouse during an argument. I created a Twitter account to see what was happening and, when I saw that they were still interacting, I got angry at this other woman. But the only reason I opened up to the entire world about all of this and told you my very embarrassing story is because I’ve read and heard so many stories similar to my own since being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I have not learned to take time for myself and find in the last 3 years I have become depressed. Why do you stay married to or in a relationship with a bipolar husband or bipolar wife? By August we were separated and by May 2011 I had moved back to my hometown in Chicago. I entered into another deep depression. Any suggestions from anyone would be tremendously appreciated. Well done. Now, here we are, just over a year later from our second marriage to each other and having celebrated our first wedding anniversary. Favorite Answer . If you can, seek counseling and resources that will help you decide what is best for you and your family and how you can take those steps. I have read all about bipolar and symptoms, etc. Life was wonderful! So where to begin…? Choose a good time to initiate a conversation with your spouse about his/her actions that you are concerned about and/or are having a … Also, I would like to sign up for bphope's FREE e-Newsletters. We immediately connected in many ways on several important issues to us such as music, movies, philosophy, religion, politics, sarcasm, favorite foods, etc. (Mind you I was not diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the time). Was she supposed to know that I actually had bipolar disorder? I advocate for both divorce and marriage, and I think you have to choose which is right for you based on your situation. Only this depression was worse than any I had every felt in my life. Add in bipolar disorder or some other mental health diagnosis and you are in for some extra work. For the sake of brevity and in order not to attempt a sequel to War & Peace, I will lay down the bare bones here: I met my husband nine years ago when I moved to New York state. It was friendship at first sight. Why Do People with Bipolar Disorder Engage in Ghosting? She went into a severe depression that was followed by a manic phase in November. I know that this isn’t her; it’s her illness and a lot of things have happened to throw things into complete chaos. My husband on the other hand, has grown more manic and rage driven as time goes on. Some with bipolar may leave because they’re ashamed of not fulfilling their partners expectations, they may have angered them to the point of domestic violence and flee for safety. Now multiply that by a billion. Well, placing blame or even looking back with questions such as these now really serves no purpose. Habitual lying is a symptom of many who live with mental illness. You feel the ups and downs almost as painfully as they do. It takes hard work and a daily commitment to walk together in rain or shine. Not only is infidelity hurtful in the deepest of ways, but it is physically dangerous, as your partner risks exposing you to a myriad of sexually transmitted diseases. 4 Answers. Addicts can be addicted to specific substances themselves or simply to the act of self-medicating rather than seeking treatment for their mental illness. I am the wife of a bipolar husband and its been so hard the past few months. Living with a husband or wife who has bipolar disorder can be difficult. Marriage without mental illness, so I’m told, is challenging enough. Living with bipolar disorder is a lot different than TV and movies would have you believe. You are someone to be admired, you deserve admiration. Now double it. What should I do about my husband's refusal to get professional help with his bi-polar disorder? It was friendship at first sight. In 2010, after seven years of marriage, my ex-wife was diagnosed with bipolar disorder during a two-week hospital stay after a profound manic episode where she … The mental illness your spouse suffers with is something that is happening to your entire family. You have to be ready to sign the papers, divide your assets, coordinate living arrangements, and tell your kids. Now here is the frustrating and tricky part where bipolar marriage and marital conflict are concerned. All of this i am deeply ashamed of. We split and now he is in hypersexual phase with new girlfriend and plastering his newfound love all over FB and instagram and it really hurts. The sudden drop in estrogen causes depression and the spike in testosterone (hers was naturally high) caused her to turn into someone I don’t know. Be willing to be split open.” – Natalie Goldberg, author of Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within. Bipolar divorce. Bipolar spouse support is extremely important and it's not unusual for spouses and family members to seek counseling to develop strategies for dealing and coping with the bipolar spouse. During these times, the normal things you do … Share on email. It is incredible that someone can change so much. He is not going to stop doing that, Worried wife, that is what bipolar people do. Being with someone who is mentally ill is challenging to say the least, and it does not make you a bad person for needing to get out. From Being A Good Spouse To … “Write what disturbs you, what you fear, what you have not been willing to speak about. I entered both of those marriages trying to see what my wife could do for me. It’s possible manic behavior made me realize I’m not being fair to another - there’s got to be a tons of reasons. I try not to look but my curiosity gets the best of me and I am shocked at what he is posting… and her, too, …she is ALSO bipolar but on meds. She’s planning on moving to her parents’ home to help her mom with her terminally ill father once she’s fully recovered physically. Stress reactions can bring behaviours where a person badly needs space. For me, because lying eats away at the absolute foundation of a marriage, this one is particularly hard for me to be understanding of, and it is most definitely enough of a reason to leave your partner. If, on the other hand, your spouse refuses treatment, you must learn to protect yourself from abuse. It takes hard work and a daily commitment to walk together in rain or shine. All rights reserved. She’s got to stay in our home while she recovers from her surgery so things are tense but we’ve got at least three months before she’s able to leave. Julie was also the recipient of the Eli … Maybe it will work… she won’t have any expectations of him. I had never seen this psychiatrist before so of course she didn’t know my history. 10 Tips for Coping With a Bipolar Spouse. Please do not use your full name, as it will be displayed. They may even bring home a sexually transmitted disease to you. In June of 2011 I found myself in the hospital with a severe depressive episode. I had been with my ex for 22 years. Many people with bipolar … I not only want those with bipolar to know that they’re not alone in their experiences, but I also want their spouses and ex-spouses to know that they’re not alone in their experiences. For parents, it’s doubly important to get out as soon as possible. But our mutual interests didn’t progress into a mutual love at the same pace. What can I say? The medication might not work. Lv 5. April is also a resource person for the. Jobs, mortgages, children, money, they all only add to the load, but being in a relationship with someone who suffers from a mental illness, like Bipolar Disorder, makes it even harder. By May 2013 I began hanging out with my (then-ex) husband and by December 2013 he had moved in with me at my new apartment. In under a month, she’s gone from being an incredible wife who absolutely adores me and has complete faith in our marriage to wanting to leave me for a woman she met on Twitter who lives in England. This also led me to doubt my diagnosis. Like I’ve released one more tiny piece of the big huge honkin’ chip on my shoulder. When your spouse has the flu, you let them rest until they feel better. I mean, no one else knew. But each time I tell the story I feel a little lighter. It’s never an easy decision either way. Internal rhythms that cause me to wake up at 3am to rearrange the furniture, dye my hair, and write an essay all before I get ready for work can become exhausting after awhile. As the significant other, child or caregiver, you feel a great sense of guilt that you cannot do more for the one affected with bipolar. I would say the challenges with bipolar disorder are especially unique. By December my divorce papers were being finalized and I once again fell into a deep depression. What is it in their minds that make them stop caring. I realized that in my case it wasn’t divorce I was looking for but an end to the ups and downs and frustrations that was my life. Marriage without mental illness, so I’m told, is challenging enough. Be willing to be split open.”Natalie Goldberg, author of Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within. 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